


Stirb nicht vor mir (Don't Die Before I Do)

by makoheadrush



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Canon-ish, Coma, Inner Dialogue, Talking to Ghosts, expository writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 20:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20513027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makoheadrush/pseuds/makoheadrush
Summary: Summary: Ficlet, takes place during ‘Cloud’s coma’ in the OG, and addresses the sort of inner turmoil Cloud might feel being semi-comatose, trapped in his own body.   This is a bit different than my usual writing; pretty much all of this is inner dialogue.  I took inspiration from the song 'Stirb nicht vor mir' by Rammstein - really, the lyrics gave me the idea for this story.





	Stirb nicht vor mir (Don't Die Before I Do)

_I don't know who you are_  
_I know that you exist_  
_ Stirb nicht_  
_ Sometimes love seems so far_  
_ Ich warte hier_  
_ Your love I can't dismiss_  
_ Ich warte hier_

**_-_Stirb nicht vor mir (Don’t Die Before I Do) - Rammstein**

* * *

Though Cloud could not even speak – once the mako poisoning took hold, the only sound that came from him was a sickly-sounding wheeze. He was _in_ there, somewhere, yet nobody could reach him. Cloud could hear Tifa faintly, as though she were speaking through thick cotton, or from across a wide canyon – her voice a distant echo in the recesses of his fractured mind.

All of Cloud’s strength had left his body; he couldn’t even keep his head upright for very long, sitting up in the wheelchair only for very brief spells. Cloud didn’t even know where they _were_. He sensed there were others around him, and he knew he was in a hospital or a clinic, just by the smells. The sharp tang of antiseptic was one scent that clued him in as to his whereabouts. But, like most things, that knowledge did not stay with him for very long, and moments later a bewildered look would pass over his face, trying in vain to hold his head up, trying to _speak_.

_Just…one…word. Can’t. Too hard. Can’t._

_Sleep. Just….sleep._

And sleep he did; it was all he could really do, and certainly after his unplanned trip through the Lifestream, immersed in pure mako, Cloud _needed_ the rest. Sometimes, between moments of sleep and wakefulness, Cloud would catch a whiff of bleach or antiseptic and became convinced he was back in Hojo’s lab, in the basement of the Shinra manor.

He screamed, but no sound came; he thrashed so badly at times that he was strapped to the bed, for fear that he’d hurt himself. Tifa wept; Barret paced and swore, and Yuffie couldn’t even bring herself to crack a stupid joke. Sleep was a welcome refuge for Cloud; even though he appeared to be completely disconnected from reality and from his surroundings, he had a kernel of awareness, buried deep in his mind. When Cloud slept, he knew that the mysterious man with the friendly smile would come into his dreams. And it was no nightmare – each time he dreamed, he felt the stranger’s presence, deep within his subconscious, and somehow Cloud knew that it was a good thing. He felt safe when the stranger visited him in his dreams, felt the man’s warmth emanating from his pleasant smile.

Eventually, Cloud figured out he could ‘talk’ to the stranger, and he didn’t even have to use his voice to do so.

_Who….are you? I feel like I know you, but I don’t even know your name._

**You really don’t remember? Wow…you’ve got mako poisoning pretty bad, don’t you? That sure brings back some memories.**

_How do you know who I am? Do you…do you know my name?_

**Of course I know your name, Cloud. You and me, we were side by side. The backwater experts!**

_….Gongaga? Wait. Why did I remember that all of a sudden? What does Gongaga have to do with anything?_

**That’s where I’m from, Cloud. Gongaga. And you were from Nibelheim. Both of us country boys. I think that’s how we ended up becoming friends – we had that in common.**

_We were friends? But…how come I can’t remember you? Or your name? Please, **please** tell me your name._

**Cloud….I want to tell you, but I also want you to remember on your own. Do you think you can do that for me, buddy?**

_I’m….I’m trying! I can’t….can’t do anything! Feel so fucking useless. I can’t even move – _

And yet, Cloud _was_ moving – whenever he grew excited or agitated in his dreams, he’d thrash his arms and legs about. Still deep within his dream, Cloud vaguely felt the resistance as he pulled against the straps that held his arms and legs down to the bed.

_They tied me. Just like – just like….Shinra Manor. The basement._

**See, you _do_ remember, Cloud. You’re starting to remember. Some of it…well, some of it’s going to be very painful for you to remember, once it all comes back. **

D_on’t go. Please. Stay. I’m scared. Scared of what’s in my head. It must be bad if I blocked it out._

**Yeah. There’s definitely some unpleasant stuff. Things we both went through. But there’s also a lot of good memories too. If only you can reach them. They’re in there, somewhere.**

_Why are you helping me? Who are you?_

**Me? I’m a friend. More than a friend, really. I cared very deeply for you, Cloud…that’s why I’m trying to help you. I _know_ you.**

Cloud’s body silently shook with sobs, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes, dripping back and hitting the pillow beneath his head.

_I want to remember! I…can’t see your face in my mind. Just – just an outline. Black hair, with spikes…tall? Taller than me. I think. _Cloud felt the mystery man laugh.

**Yeah – I was a bit taller than you. And you’ve got it right about the black spikes. See? You’re getting there, Cloud. I knew you could do it. You’re my living legacy.**

At the last words, Cloud felt his blood run cold, and a shiver ran up his spine like an electric current.

_I’m – I’m your what?_

**My living legacy, Cloud. Those were my last words to you. Now do you remember?**

“Oh.” It was dark in his room just before dawn broke; nobody was even around at that time to hear Cloud when he finally spoke out loud for the first time in weeks. 

“Z-Z…ack…”


End file.
